Wavering Destiny
by Dawnfire11
Summary: Defeat. Failure. Aloneness. That was all Merlin could feel as he slumped to the ground, wrapping his arms around himself as if to hold his body together against the emotions. He had failed. A continuation of the series finale, including Arthur's return. Spoilers for all five seasons. No slash, but extreme bromance. EXTREME MERLIN ANGST. Trigger warnings.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: Hello everyone! This is my very first Merlin fanfiction so I hope you enjoy. XD**

**This is dedicated to my good friend, Harpfire.**

**When I saw the finale, I was devastated. I couldn't even process what had happened and when I did, I couldn't stop crying. I have never grown so attached to a series before, and the ending, though beautiful and touching, did not satisfy me. This fanfiction is a continuation of the fifth series as an attempt to alleviate the feels. **

**Warning: There will be spoilers for all seasons so if you haven't seen the finale yet, don't read this! Also, this story is very dark and there will be angst and triggers everywhere. THERE WILL BE A TON OF ANGST. But it will get lighter towards the end. Do not fear!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Merlin. But I am thinking about getting a black lab and naming it Merlin to make up for it.**

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Chapter 1

Agony. Pain. Sorrow. Sadness. Regret.

Emotions filled the crevices of his soul as he looked down at Arthur, placing a hand on the king's pale face. His vision blurred and his breath came in gasps as large sobs escaped his lips.

He was useless, hopeless, unneeded. He wanted to scream, his magic bubbling in his chest like a raging wildfire, waiting to devour anything that stood in his path. He took a shuddering breath and looked down at his king, his friend.

"Arthur..." he began, pausing as his throat choked with tears. "I... I don't really know what to say to you... I guess I just wanted to tell you... well, it's been great to have known you... You were a wonderful king and a wonderful friend. Just... don't be a prat in the afterlife..." Merlin stopped, his chest constricting with sorrow.

"Well... What I mean to say is... I am really going to miss you," Merlin finished, sobbing harder than before.

He removed his hand from Arthur's cold forehead, his eyes flashing bright gold. The boat moved towards the center of the lake, carrying Arthur away from Merlin. He was broken.

Defeat. Failure. Aloneness. That was all Merlin could feel as he slumped to the ground, wrapping his arms around himself as if to hold his body together against the emotions.

He had failed.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

Merlin blinked the sleep from his eyes, glancing around in confusion. It all came back to him in waves. "Arthur..." he muttered, his chest constricting and his mind feeling fuzzy. He pushed himself up, hands scrabbling in the dust.

He didn't know what to do with himself. He felt lost as he remembered Gaius, who was probably waiting for him with a bowl of stew on the table. He didn't cry. He was too far gone to feel anything anymore.

His mind didn't even register the crashing sound coming from the trees behind him as a large knight moved through the forest. Percival broke through the undergrowth, eyes resting upon the figure by the water.

"Merlin?" Percival asked disbelievingly. He approached the younger man slowly, hesitantly. The warlock tried to stand, his legs too weak to support him. He turned, looking up at his friend, eyes dull.

"What happened?" Percival asked, approaching Merlin as if he were a wounded animal. He bent down next to the figure, placing a hand on his shoulder.

"W... what?" Merlin asked, his mind finally realizing who was standing in front of him.

"What happened, Merlin? Where is Arthur?" Percival asked, his voice low and kind.

And now, Merlin did cry, tears streaking down his face in little rivers. "De.." He couldn't even finish the word.

Percival pulled his friend into a hug, feeling the warlock tremble in his arms like a lost child. The knight's thoughts whirled inside his head as he realized what had transpired. The king was dead.

Merlin pulled slowly away from Percival, his eyes turned towards the ground.

"You have to come back to Camelot now, Merlin," Percival said.

"No," Merlin muttered weakly.

"Gaius is probably worried about you, Merlin," he tried again.

"NO!" Merlin snapped. "You don't understand! I can't go back there!"

"Merlin..." Percival began. "You have to come. You are unwell..."

Merlin tried to stand again, his legs giving out completely and sending him sprawling to the ground. "Please," he whispered. "Don't make me go back."

"I'm sorry," Percival said, picking up the wiry body and standing up straight. Merlin struggled weakly for a moment before giving up and letting Percival carry him back to Camelot.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

The great dragon lay still on the ground, his golden flank rising and falling slowly. The sky was darkening, the sun casting red light over his brilliant gold scales.

There was the sound of wings flapping in the distance and Kilgharrah opened one eye. The great dragon watched as a smaller dragon landed in the clearing.

"Aithusa," Kilgharrah said. "I am glad you have come."

Aithusa crept forward, resting her muzzle on her mentor's side. She looked deep into the golden eye, her own eyes filled with sadness.

"There are many things I wish to tell you and not much time so listen carefully."

Aithusa nodded her small, white head once.

"The Once and Future King is dead. You must watch over Emrys, for he will not take the king's death lightly. I need you to give him a message for me. Merlin, I speak directly to you. Do not mourn Arthur's death, but rejoice because he will rise again. You must not wallow in your grief for too long, young Warlock."

The great dragon paused, taking a shuddering breath before continuing. "I will not forget you, Merlin. Please do not forget me."

Kilgharrah's voice was becoming weaker as he said this. "Now I speak to you, Aithusa. I am sorry for not looking after you as I should. I blame myself for what has happened to you, and I hope that someday, you can find it in your heart to forgive me. You are the last of your kind. Do not waste your life as I have wasted mine. Farewell, young one."

And with those words, the great dragon's head fell to the ground. He took one, final, shuddering breath before his body lay still.

**TBC**


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: You guys rock! Thank you to everyone who followed, favorited, and/or reviewed.**

**Special thanks to Harpfire, grayember13, EasTerEggTimE, and Ernil i Pheriannath for reviewing. All of your comments made me smile like an idiot.**

**Warning: A lot of angst.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Merlin. If I did, this story would be the script for the fifth season.**

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Chapter 2

Pale moonlight filtered in through the trees, bathing the forest in white light. Wind whispered through the treetops, the air cool and crisp.

Percival began to stumble, his legs aching and his arms feeling like jelly. Merlin was asleep, his head lolling with every movement the large knight made.

It was when he almost dropped the frail boy that Percival decided to stop for the night and set up camp. He set his friend gently on the ground, picking up some sticks of wood and building up a small fire.

He cursed as he realized that he had no supplies for cooking, no water or provisions or blankets. Morgana had taken everything from him.

His fingers groped around in his pockets, desperately searching for the flint he usually carried around with him. Finally, after what seemed like ages, Percival pulled out a small triangle of flint, and, using his dagger, he managed to get the tinder to light.

The flames spread golden light in the clearing, warmth slowly filling Percival's cold bones. He moved Merlin closer to the fire, moving close to his friend and pressing his hand to the servant's warm forehead.

The warlock slowly opened his eyes, staring up at Percival sadly. "Where...?" Merlin croaked.

"We are about half a day's walk from Camelot," Percival answered. Merlin clenched his eyes shut at the mention of the castle.

"You have to take me back to the lake," Merlin said, trying to push himself up. His arms were too weak to support his weight, and he fell back down. "I have to be there! I have to be waiting for when he comes back."

Percival's chest constricted as he heard his friend say this. "Merlin... He isn't coming back. Arthur is dead."

Merlin gave no response, just staring deeply into the fire, his face blank and his eyes dull. As much as Merlin's sobbing had scared Percival earlier, the silence was worse.

"Get some sleep," Percival said, deciding to keep watch over his broken friend.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

The sun rose high, illuminating the castle hallways with bright sunlight. The castle was eerily silent, the air filled with nervous tension.

Gwen was alone in her chambers, her thoughts troubled. She stood by the window, worried eyes searching the courtyard for any signs of her husband.

There was a small knock on her door, before Gaius stepped inside, his face grim. "Still no signs of them, my lady," he said, stepping over to where she stood.

Gwen nodded sadly, turning from the window for a moment. "What if he never returns, Gaius?" she asked, for the first time showing how hopeless and alone she felt.

Gaius just shook his head, thoughts of his ward swirling through his mind. "I don't know, my lady. He should be back by now..."

Gwen turned back to the window, her vision blurring with unshed tears.

At first, she thought her mind was playing tricks on her, that her wishful thinking was causing her to see things. She gripped the window, her knees feeling week. A man had just arrived in the courtyard, a small body held in his arms like a child.

"Gaius!" she called, and the old man came up behind her, his eyes widening as he saw Percival and Merlin.

Without speaking, they both turned from the room, Gwen running down the stairs and out into the courtyard as fast as she could.

"What happened?" she managed to choke out when she saw Merlin's pale complexion. His eyes were open, but they were clouded over, unseeing. Gwen would have thought him to be dead except for the slight rise and fall of his chest.

"Where is Arthur?" Gaius asked from behind her and Gwen's heart fell in her chest.

"No..." she muttered. "No..."

"The king... is dead," Percival said.

Gwen's knees gave out, and she slumped to the ground, her head in her hands as she sobbed. Gaius stepped towards his ward, his hands shaking as he stroked the boy's hair.

Gaius led them silently to his chambers, placing the queen in a chair and giving her a cup of warm tea and a blanket. He then turned to his ward, his son, who was laying on the patient bed.

"I found him like this. He is really unwell, Gaius. He thinks that Arthur will come back..." Percival told the physician, his head swimming and his legs shaking.

"You need to sit down, too," Gaius told the knight, leading the man over to a chair. "How long is it since you have had something decent to eat?"

"I... don't know," Percival muttered. Gaius shook his head, pulling a loaf of bread from the cabinet and handing Percival a chunk. "Eat this, but slowly."

"Will Merlin be okay?" Percival asked, watching the servant who lay still on the bed.

"It is still too soon to say. He is malnourished, dehydrated, in shock, and mourning. There is little I can do..."

Gaius turned back to the warlock, his eyes filled with worry. "Oh my boy," he whispered and then, set to work.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

The great hall was full, the room silent with tension as Leon stepped forward. Leon looked around, eyes falling sadly upon Gaius and then moving to Percival. Merlin was nowhere in sight, sending a small wave of worry through Leon.

He took a breath and then spoke the words that everyone was dreading. "The king... is dead."

There was a pregnant pause as everyone took in this information, their hearts heavy. "Long live the queen!" Leon cried. And the room erupted in noise.

"Long live the queen! Long live the queen."

Gwen sat on her throne, numb with pain. Her eyes were dry as she looked at the people... her people. Her life had changed forever.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

Merlin awoke slowly, blinking a few times as his eyes adjusted to the light of the room. He was looking up at a familiar ceiling, his head pounding mercilessly. He struggled to sit up, his breath hitching in his throat, coughs racking his body.

"Merlin! You're awake," a voice called, and a figure rushed into his field of vision. Gaius pressed a cup of water to Merlin's hand, helping the warlock to take a few sips.

Merlin lay back on the bed, looking up at Gaius sadly. "I was too late to save him..."

"Shhh... It's not your fault," the physician said.

Merlin didn't respond, a silence quieter than death filling the room. Gaius placed a hand on the top of Merlin's head, his heart filling with warmth for the young man.

"I'm glad you're back," Gaius whispered, stepping away to give the warlock some time alone.

**TBC**


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: Thank you to my reviewers, EasTerEggTimE, oma13, and Harpfire. You guys rock! **

**I hope you like this chapter. Please review and tell me what you think. I really appreciate the time you take out of your day to send me a few words and I love the feedback. It lets me know what I am doing wrong and what I am doing right. **

**Warning: More angst, as usual. I promise it will get better, but not now. XD**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Merlin... No matter how much I beg and cry and dream.**

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Chapter 3

Several hours later, there was a loud knocking on Gaius's chamber door. The physician looked up from where he was mixing herbs. The door swung open and Gwen came inside, her brown hair pulled back with a golden band.

"How is he?" Gwen asked, making her way over to Merlin's still form. She placed a hand on Merlin's forehead, her worry growing when she felt the man's feverish skin.

"He is very ill, but I think he will pull through," Gaius said, watching as the queen began to bathe Merlin's face with a wet cloth. The warlock began to stir, his eyes flickering open.

"Hey," Gwen said, smiling weakly. "How do you feel?"

Merlin took a moment to respond, his eyes closing again as he gathered his scattered thoughts. "I'm sorry," he said, his voice so small, Gwen had to lean down next to him so she could hear.

"No, Merlin," the queen said. "I don't blame you for what happened. It wasn't your fault!"

Merlin shook his head once. "I could have saved him... I..."

Gwen pulled Merlin into a hug, squeezing the servant tightly as a tear dripped down her face. After a moment, she let go, holding Merlin out at an arms distance and looking at him straight in the eyes.

"Merlin, I know that you have magic," Gwen said suddenly and Merlin's blue eyes widened in shock.

"W... what?" he asked.

"I know it was you who defeated the saxons during the battle. I know how much you have done for Arthur and I over the years. Thank you," Gwen said, smiling as she saw a bit of light return to his normally sparkling eyes.

Merlin felt a little more alive when she said this, a small flame of hope flickering inside of him.

"Thank you for understanding, Gwen... I just hope that Gwaine, Leon, and Percival will react similarly," Merlin said. Gwen paled a little at this.

"Merlin..." she said, her heart falling. Gaius glanced over at her, his gaze warning her to be careful.

"Listen... I know that a lot has been happening lately... and I want you to know that I am always here for you... But I need to tell you something. Gwaine is dead..." Gwen said, watching as the light of hope snuffed out again. Merlin seemed to shrivel up, his entire body crumpling forward. She caught him, gingerly lowering him back to the pillows.

"Merlin, it will get better," Gwen told him sadly. The warlock looked up at her, wanting with all his heart to believe that to be true.

"Get better soon," Gwen said, standing up. "Camelot is lonely without you roaming the halls."

She gave one last, knowing look to Gaius before leaving the room.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

_A loud noise erupted around him, sending shivers of fear up his spine. He glanced around in the light, eyes searching his surroundings and managing to make out a large, machine speeding by him._

_Where was he?_

_He tried to scream, tried to cry out for someone to help him, but his mouth wouldn't work. His eyes could make out a lake... the lake..._

_But it wasn't the lake as he knew it. Even the air felt different around him, less magical, more... old. He realized that he was in the future, thousands of years away from the life he knew. He shuddered, his body involuntarily turning to face the opposite direction of the lake._

_An old man was making his way slowly towards him, a small bag slung over his shoulder. Merlin stumbled back as he recognised that the old man was himself._

_"No!" he cried, trying to run from the truth that was facing him. It was his destiny to be alone, waiting for something that would never come. Not for at least two thousand years._

_The scene changed in swirling colors, and now he was standing next to the lake, Arthur standing in front of him, his cold, dead eyes glaring at him with hatred._

_"Why did you do this, Merlin? Why didn't you save me?" the man asked, his pale lips moving slowly._

_"I'm sorry! I tried, Arthur," Merlin said._

_"You could have saved me and you didn't," Arthur snapped, his body beginning to fade._

_"No!"_

_"Merlin! Wake up!" a voice boomed in the sky._

_Arthur's body disappeared completely._

_"Please... No! Arthur!" Merlin cried one last time._

He was gradually aware of someone shaking him roughly, pulling him from the dream. He gasped for breath, sitting up quickly and looking around, his eyes wild with fear.

"It's okay. It was just a dream," Gaius said, rubbing slow circles on his ward's hunched back.

Merlin nodded, his stomach clenching slightly as he felt a small tug. He looked wildly around for a moment as the odd sensation filled his body. "Gaius!" he said as his mind filled with an image of a clearing outside Camelot. He recognized the clearing as the one where he usually met Kilgharrah.

He came back to himself, his eyes making out Gaius standing worriedly in front of him.

"What is it, Merlin?" Gaius asked, slowly.

"I need..." he gasped, swinging his legs over the side of the bed. "I need to go... someone is calling me..."

Gaius held his apprentice to the bed. "You can't get out of bed. You are too weak," he commented.

"But Gaius... I have to go," he said, the image of the clearing crashing through his mind again. He felt as if he were actually in the clearing for a moment, as if he could reach out and feel the grass under his feet, hear the wind rustling the tree leaves high above his head.

"What is it, Merlin? Is it Kilgharrah?" Gaius asked.

"No... but... I don't know. I have to go," Merlin said. Gaius nodded in understanding, gesturing at the warlock to hold on as he went to fetch someone.

The physician came back a few minutes later with Leon in tow. "Merlin needs you to take him somewhere. He is too weak to walk, but it is a very urgent errand," Gaius said.

Leon looked at the older man incredulously. "Are you sure that leaving Camelot in his condition is wise?"

Gaius paused, and then nodded. "It is very important."

"Ok..." Leon said, nodding. "Come on, Merlin." The knight picked Merlin up, carrying him to the courtyard where two horses were being prepared for them.

He gently placed Merlin on top of the horse and the servant slumped over weakly, his face pale. Leon was immediately reminded of the dorocha attack, when Merlin had been injured and close to death.

He shuddered, mounting his own horse and looking back at Merlin. "Where are we going?" he asked.

"Just follow me," Merlin muttered weakly, hands fumbling at the reins and guiding the horse forward. It didn't take them long to come upon the clearing.

"Stop," Merlin ordered the knight besides him, and Leon looked around in confusion.

Merlin swung his legs over his horse's back, sliding to the ground. Leon dismounted quickly, rushing to Merlin and helping him stay upright.

"Why are we stopping here?" Leon asked.

It was at this moment that they both heard it. It was an unmistakable sound, the sound of leathery scales rubbing against one another, the sound of wings pushing the air downwards, flapping against gravity to hold a creature suspended in the air.

Above them, the sunlight was blocked out, a white shape coming slowly into view. Aithusa landed, her eyes resting upon the warlock knowingly.

Leon's hand flew to his sword, the blade glinting as he drew it from his scabbard. "Stay back, Merlin!" he yelled as he charged forwards, his sword pointed at the dragon, about to run her through.

**TBC**


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: Here is another chapter. Hope you enjoy. ****Thank you to Harpfire and weepingelm for your reviews. Your support keeps me motivated. XD**

**I would love it if you could drop me a review for this chapter, but don't feel obligated to. XD Live long and prosper!**

**Warning: More angst as usual**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Merlin.**

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Chapter 4

Merlin watched in horror as the knight charged forwards. He was too weak to stop the man, relying on his horse to keep him upright.

Leon swung his sword towards Aithusa's head. "No!" he cried, his voice cracking. Leon was just in time to stop himself from running the white dragon through, his sword swinging just to the right of her small head.

Leon stumbled back quickly, retreating in case the dragon decided to make a move. "What are you playing at, Merlin?" Leon asked, staring at his friend with worry.

Aithusa approached slowly, cautiously, and Leon raised his weapon. "Put it down," Merlin said. "She doesn't want to harm us. She only wishes to give me a message."

"How do you know that?" Leon asked, but he dropped the weapon.

Merlin took a step forwards, stumbling slightly. Aithusa reached her head out, pressing it under the warlock's fingers and letting him support his weight on her.

Images from Aithusa's eyes flashed through his mind as he felt the cold scales under his fingers. They were one in the same, their minds connecting as the memories threw them back into the past.

They fly through the sky, flapping their wings strongly as they soar through the clouds, enjoying the feeling of the cold winter wind over their white scales.

They sit by Morgana's throne, watching the high priestess. Worry was their companion as they see how ragged their friend had become.

They breathe a blast of fire over a sword, making the air heat up around them.

Fear and regret fill their being as they witness Morgana plot her revenge on The Once and Future King.

They watch in sadness as The Great Dragon lay in the dust, breathing his last few breaths.

"The Once and Future King is dead," The Great Dragon said. Dread fills their veins as they realize what Kilgharrah had said. "You must watch over Emrys, for he will not take the king's death lightly. I need you to give him a message for me."

They remember the Dragon Lord, an image of his kind, young face flashing through their mind.

"Merlin, I speak directly to you. Do not mourn Arthur's death, but rejoice because he will rise again. You must not wallow in your grief for too long, young warlock. I will not forget you, Merlin. Please do not forget me."

They watch The Great Dragon take his last, final breath and feel utterly alone. They are the last of their kind.

The connection broke suddenly, Merlin gasping as his mind snapped back from the dragon's.

"Merlin?" Leon asked, stepping forward quickly. "What was that? Your eyes..."

Merlin stroked his fingers down Aithusa's face, glancing back at Leon. "I am a warlock and the last dragon lord," he said simply, a small feeling of relief washing over him as he let his secret out. He had been hiding who he was for so long...

Leon took a breath as the servant said this, sad that his friend had felt he had to hide who he was. But to his surprise, he felt no shock or anger. Somehow, deep inside of him, Leon knew that Merlin had a reason to keep it secret. "I thought the last dragon lord was dead," he said after a moment of silence.

"No," Merlin said slowly. "Balinor was my father. When he died, he passed the power onto me."

Aithusa pushed her head into the warlocks shaking hand like a cat, feeling Merlin's nervousness as Leon stared at him.

"I understand, Merlin. Thank you..." Leon said after a moment. Merlin let out the breath that he was holding and turned back to Aithusa.

He closed his eyes, reaching out his thoughts and attaching his mind to her's again. This time was different. Instead of pictures, there was a flood of emotions.

Leon watched the exchange, seeing the way the warlock held the dragons face gingerly, tenderly. He felt a rush of power ripple through the air as they connected, not understanding what was going on between them, but understanding that it was something special, something no mortal person could comprehend.

Merlin felt his sadness over Arthur's death well up inside him like blood gushing from an open wound, but Aithusa's mind was there next to him, taking a bit of the sorrow away. She shared in his pain, a single, large tear leaking out of her eye and dripping onto the dirt below.

Merlin trembled as he broke away from her, slumping to his knees. He looked up at Leon, who was watching him worriedly. For the first time since Arthur's death, Merlin let out a weak smile.

"I'm okay... I'm better actually," he said, glancing back at Aithusa. "Thank you..."

Leon stepped forwards, helping Merlin to his feet. "Come on, let's get you back to Camelot..." he said, glancing back at the dragon. Merlin saw the nervousness in the knights eyes.

"Stay here, Aithusa. If you need anything, do the same thing you did today," Merlin said aloud as he mounted his horse.

They rode away, Merlin glancing back one last time at the dragon, loneliness spreading through him once more as they moved farther away from her.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

The door to Gaius's chambers swung open, the old physician glancing up from the book he was studying. Leon stepped inside, helping Merlin over to the bed.

"So...?" the physician questioned, raising an eyebrow at the knight and the warlock.

"Aithusa had a message for me," Merlin commented. Gaius nodded, giving Leon a small, worried look.

"Merlin told me," the knight said, smiling reassuringly before stepping out of the room, leaving the physician and the warlock to talk alone.

Merlin lay back against the bed, his body aching. "What did Aithusa say? You told me she couldn't talk," Gaius commented.

Merlin looked up at the man. "She didn't talk... but she showed me images... our minds connected somehow and we shared... feelings," Merlin said, pausing as he tried to put his thoughts into words, unable to describe the connection he had felt.

"Legend says that dragon lords have a deep connection to dragons," Gaius said and then handed the boy a small vial. "Now take your medicine and try to get some sleep."

Merlin complied, closing his heavy lids after he had swallowed the foul tasting concoction, slowly falling into a restless sleep.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

The next few days Merlin spent resting in his room, gradually gaining strength. Gaius kept a careful eye on his ward, constantly checking on the man, pleased to see that he was improving. But while Merlin was physically better, Gaius knew that Merlin's mental health was deteriorating.

It had been ten days since Arthur's death when Gaius finally decided that enough was enough.

He stepped inside the warlock's room slowly, carrying a tray of food. "Hello Merlin," he said. "I brought you dinner. It's your favorite."

Merlin shook his head. "I'm not hungry."

Gaius sighed, placing the tray on the beside table and sitting down on the bed next to his ward. "This isn't healthy, Merlin," he said suddenly. "You have to eat something..."

Merlin shook his head, turning over in his bed and facing the other way. "You have hardly left your room... At least come out and go visit with Gwen. I am sure she could get you something from the palace kitchens..."

"I can't," Merlin whispered so quietly Gaius almost missed it.

"You can't or you won't?" Gaius asked harshly, regretting it the moment it left his mouth.

"What's the point?" Merlin replied, shaking his head again and then closing his eyes. "I'm tired," he said.

Gaius stood, making his way to the door and watching the warlock feint sleep. He exited the room, knowing that this could not go on for much longer.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

"My lady, I'm sorry to bother you." Gaius stood in front of the queen, his head bowed slightly and his hands clasped in front of him.

Gwen gave him a large smile. "No, it's really no trouble, Gaius. I'm very happy to see you." Gaius studied the queen, noting the bags under her eyes.

"How are you doing?" Gaius asked.

Gwen's smile fell a little when she heard the question. "I'm... working through everything... I don't know how Arthur did it... ruling a country, I mean," Gwen commented. There was a slight pause and then she continued. "But, I have been meaning to ask you. How is Merlin doing? I haven't seen him in a while..."

"That is actually what I am coming to talk to you about, my lady," Gaius commented. "He is not doing well."

Gwen nodded sadly. "It's hit him the hardest of all," she said. "Is there anything I can do for him?"

Gaius was suddenly glad that Camelot had such an understanding queen. "I don't know," he replied after a moment. "He doesn't feel like he has a purpose now. Before, his entire life was dedicated to serving and protecting Arthur... But now..." He trailed off.

"I think I know what to do," Gwen said after a moment.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

Later that evening, Merlin was still lying in his bed, staring listlessly at the ceiling. The door to his room swung open, revealing Gwen, who was carrying a fresh tray of food.

"Hello, Merlin," she said, smiling as she walked in the room.

"Gaius told you to come talk to me, didn't he?" Merlin asked bitterly.

Gwen nodded. "He is just worried about you, Merlin. You haven't been eating, barely sleeping... And I am worried too. I haven't seen you in a while..."

Merlin sat up, guilt shooting through him as he saw how worried Gwen was. "I'm sorry..." he commented. "All of this is my fault."

"Merlin," Gwen snapped, making the boy flinch. She held out the tray for him, and to her surprise, he accepted. "None of this is your fault."

Merlin took a nibble of bread, his stomach rolling. He forced himself to swallow it down. The room was silent and then Gwen spoke again.

"I have been meaning to talk to you about something..." She hesitated, studying the warlock's face before continuing. "I know you feel like you have no purpose anymore.. now that Arthur is gone. But Camelot needs you. We all need you... I want you to become the court sorcerer."

Merlin nearly dropped his cup of water when she said this, his hands shaking. "What?" he stammered.

Gwen smiled. "I want you to become the court sorcerer. We need someone to represent magic at the round table and I could think of no one better suited than you."

"I can't," Merlin responded, tears gathering in his eyes. He tried to blink them away, but they still managed to trickle down his face.

"Why?" Gwen asked kindly. "I know that you miss Arthur and I know it hurts, but he wouldn't want you to slip into depression. He would want you to help Camelot and be yourself."

More tears dripped down his face as he remembered Arthurs words to him. I don't want you to change... I want you to always be you.

Merlin took a deep breath, looking Gwen straight in the eyes.

"My magic isn't working."

**TBC**


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: Thanks again for the support! I hope you guys enjoy this chapter. XD **

**Special thanks to the reviewers weepingelm, EasTerEggTimE, and Harpfire. You guys rock! Keep up the awesomeness. **

**Warning: ANGST **

**Disclaimer: I don't own Merlin... sadly. **

* * *

Chapter 5

"My magic isn't working," Merlin said, his blue eyes searching Gwen's face desperately, as if searching for an answer that lay hidden in her expression.

Gwen placed her hand on the servant's shoulder. "Does Gaius know?" she whispered, and Merlin shook his head miserably.

"You have to tell him," she commented, standing up and making her way to the door. Merlin stood up, swaying slightly as all of the blood rushed to his head. He reached a hand out, grasping at the hem of Gwen's dress with trembling fingers.

"He can't find out!" he said.

Gwen looked at Merlin sharply. "Why not?" she snapped. Guilt rushed through her, but she pushed it aside, knowing that being harsh would be the only way to shake Merlin out of it. "He has a right to know, Merlin." Her tone was kinder and softer now, as if comforting a small child. Merlin shuddered for a moment

"I know, you are afraid, but this is for the best, Merlin," Gwen said, helping him sit back on the bed. She then turned to the door, calling the old physicians name.

Gaius came seconds later, a worried expression on his face. He saw the warlock sitting on the bed, white as a sheet. "What is it, Merlin? What is wrong?"

Merlin's eyes drifted from the floor to the front of the physicians red robe, but he couldn't bring himself to look the man in the eyes. "My magic isn't working," he said after a long moment of silence. "What is wrong with me, Gaius?"

"Nothing, My boy! Nothing is wrong with you." Gaius pulled his ward in for a hug, gripping his shoulders like a lifeline, as if the contact could protect the warlock from the dark times to come. Gradually, Merlin relaxed in his arms, the tremors stopping and Gaius lowered Merlin onto the mattress.

Gwen stood off to the side, tear tracks streaking down her face. "Will he be okay?" Gwen asked as she and Gaius exited the room.

"I truly do not know," Gaius said, his voice cracking slightly.

"Why doesn't his magic work?" Gwen asked.

Gaius shook his head, giving the queen a worried glance before speaking. "Arthur's death has affected him more than we could possibly know or understand... He is not only physically sick, but his magic is sick as well..." He trailed off, leaving the room thick with silence. A question that neither of them wanted to ask hung in the air.

_Would Merlin's magic ever work again? _

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

Merlin lay listlessly on his back, staring at the ceiling, blue eyes empty of their usual sparkle. He heard the door open, but he did not move, did not even glance in the direction from which the noise came.

He closed his eyes quickly, trying to make his breathing slow, feigning sleep. He felt a hand on his forehead, fingers stroking back his raven hair gently.

"Merlin, I know you're awake," Gaius said, and Merlin opened his eyes, sitting up.

"I sent a letter to your mother a few days ago. She should be arriving in Camelot later today," Gaius said, handing the warlock a bowl of stew. Merlin picked at the stew, his stomach rolling at the smell of the food.

"I don't want to see her," Merlin whispered. Gaius stared at the servant for a moment, his eyes widening in shock.

"What do you mean, Merlin?" he asked.

"I don't want her to see me like this," Merlin said harshly.

Gaius shook his head sadly. "She is your mother, Merlin. She won't care what you look like. She has the right to come see you. Don't push her away. It will only make things worse. Now, eat your stew before it gets cold."

Gaius stepped out of the room, hoping that Hunith would arrive soon.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

Red-gold sunlight shone over Camelot, the sun setting behind the trees. Gaius stood by the window, eyes anxiously watching the courtyard for any signs of Hunith's approach.

Just as the moon rose over the castle, Gaius spotted a figure walking into the courtyard. The physician moved as fast as his old bones would allow, making his way down to where Hunith stood.

Her shoulders were slumped and she was leaning heavily on a walking stick. Gaius could barely make out her face in the pale moonlight.

"Hunith!" he exclaimed. "I am very glad you were able to come!"

"Gaius!" Hunith smiled, accepting Gaius's offered hand and he led her into the castle and up to his chambers.

She looked around the room. "Where is Merlin?" she asked hastily.

"In his room resting," Gaius responded. "He is not in the best state right now. He doesn't even want you to see him..."

Hunith nodded, the smile dropping off her face. "Your letter sounded urgent," she said. "Is it true? Is the king really dead?"

"I'm afraid so," Gaius said, studying Hunith more closely. In the firelight of the room, he could see the heavy bags under Hunith's eyes. "How are you holding up?"

"I'm doing better," she responded, before climbing the small set of stairs into Merlin's room.

Merlin was sitting up when she arrived, his hands picking at a loose thread on the blanket that was draped over his shoulders.

Hunith stood still for a moment, taking in his pale complexion. She rushed forwards, throwing her arms around his bony shoulders. Merlin wrapped his arms around his mother weakly, tears gathering in his eyes.

"Mother..." he whispered, guilt churning in his stomach as he wished that she didn't have to see him this way.

"Merlin," Hunith said, releasing her arms and looking Merlin in the eye. "You look terrible."

Merlin looked down in shame. Hunith sighed and then said, "It's okay, Merlin. I don't care what state you are in. I am here to help you get better."

Merlin nodded in gratitude, looking his mother up and down for a moment. He could tell something was wrong, that there was something that she wasn't telling him. "How are you?" he asked her. "Is something wrong?"

Hunith shook her head, smiling sadly. "Nothing is wrong... I was sick with the flu last week or I would have been here sooner. I'm still recovering, but I will be fine. You should be worrying about yourself. When was the last time you had a proper meal? Gaius told me you refuse to eat."

Hunith grabbed the plate of food sitting on the bedside table, handing it to Merlin. The warlock shook his head at the sight of it. "No..." he said. "I don't..."

"Merlin," Hunith interrupted him. "Eat at least some of it for me. Please."

Gaius watched from the doorway, smiling as Merlin began to eat the food. Hunith glanced at him and he nodded in thanks, stepping out of the room and giving the two some time to catch up.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

Three days later, Merlin was sitting in his bed, his mother sitting in a chair next to him. Merlin looked a little stronger, his face less pale and his bones less prominent. Hunith knew that he still had a long ways to go, but she was relieved that he was headed in the right direction.

"Tell me about Arthur," Hunith told her son suddenly. Merlin flinched when she said the dead king's name.

"I don't want to talk about him," he muttered, his voice small.

"Merlin," Hunith said lovingly. "Talking about the good memories you have about Arthur will help. He wouldn't want you to remember him like this, would he? Tell me about Arthur."

Merlin nodded after a few moments of silence, his heart aching with the memories of his friend.

"He was a great king who understood his people and always made the right choices, no matter how much he doubted himself," Merlin began.

Hunith nodded, smiling as she heard this. "What about to you? Who was Arthur to you?"

"A prat," Merlin said, grinning weakly. "He was a giant, lumbering clotpole. But he was my best friend."

And then Merlin began to talk, the dam that had been holding him back suddenly breaking, all of the memories of Arthur rushing at him at once. He told his mother everything, from the first day he met the annoying Prince Arthur to the day he watched King Arthur die in his arms. He told her about Freya, about Balinor, about Lancelot. He told her about all of Arthur's idiotic hunting trips, about Arthur's annoying insults, about his tendency to throw things.

"It sounds like he really treasured your advice," Hunith commented when Merlin told her about Gwen's rescue from the enchantment that Morgana had placed on her. Merlin nodded, and Hunith was relieved to see Merlin's eyes alight with happiness.

"That is what I liked most about him," Merlin said finally. "No matter how much he tried to hide it, he always listened, always cared. He never once treated me like a useless servant... well, except for the first year I knew him... But other than that, he always treated me like a friend."

There was a moment of silence as the two sat together. "Thank you," Merlin said, and Hunith nodded, standing up.

"I'm going to go make some lunch," she told him, stepping towards the door. Her head spun for a moment and her knees became weak, sending her body crashing to the floor.

"Mother!" Merlin shouted, throwing himself off the bed and onto the stone floor next to her. "Gaius!"

The physician hurried into the room, his face falling when he saw the two figures crouched on the floor. He bent down next to them, his bones protesting.

Merlin watched anxiously as the physician checked her pulse, the warlock's forehead beaded with sweat. He still felt weak and shaky, his body sore and his head pounding.

"What is wrong with her? Will she be okay?" Merlin asked Gaius frantically, his eyes wild with fear. like

"Her pulse and breathing are slow and she has a fever. We need to get her onto a bed," Gaius said, calling a guard into the room hurriedly.

The guard helped Merlin and Gaius lift the woman onto Merlin's bed, Gaius moving closer to her with his bag of herbs.

Merlin sat in the corner of the room, his hands folded under his chin. He watched earnestly as Gaius began to examine his mother, his heart clenching every time Gaius paused. After ten minutes, Gaius turned to Merlin, his expression grim. He went over to his ward, pulling a chair up next to the boy.

"Merlin, I need you to listen very carefully," Gaius said. Merlin nodded blankly and Gaius continued. "Your mother is very ill. There is nothing that I can do for her."

Merlin shook his head, standing up quickly. "There has got to be _something _you can do for her!" he shouted, his voice desperate.

Gaius shook his head. "The only thing that can cure her is your magic Merlin."

"No!" he said, his vision blurring. "My magic doesn't work, Gaius! I can't... I can't..." He was vaguely aware of Gaius's hands gripping his shoulders and leading him out of the room to a patients bed. He felt a bottle press into his hands, he heard the order to drink as if from miles away.

He listlessly obeyed and it was only a few minutes before his eyes drooped shut and he fell into cold darkness.

**TBC**


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N: Thank you to Harpfire, Sahba, and MamzelleHermy for your reviews. I really appreciate the feedback! You guys rock. XD**

**Warning: This is the peak of the angst. This is the summit. There will be a character death, feels, depressing things, etc. Please precede with caution.**

**Note: Ge hailige: heal up/get well/save/be saved**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Merlin**

* * *

Chapter 6

Merlin was pulled into consciousness by a pounding headache, his thoughts fuzzy and the world spinning around him. He blinked a few times to clear his blurry vision, sitting up and swaying. A voice called out to him through a cloud of pain.

"Merlin?" He could barely recognize Gwen's voice.

Gradually, he became more aware of himself, the pounding of his skull decreasing to a small ache. Gwen was standing anxiously next to him, her eyes full of worry.

"I came as soon as I heard," Gwen said. Merlin was confused for a moment before he remembered his mother. Wordlessly, he swung his legs over the side of his bed trying to stand upright.

"No," Gwen told him, pushing him back down. "Gaius says that you are to rest. He is out getting herbs at the moment, but he should be back soon."

"I... I have to see her," he croaked out.

Gwen didn't have the heart to push him back down onto the pillows as he struggled to get to his feet again. He stood up slowly, black spots clouding his vision as the blood rushed to his head. Gwen took a hold of his arm, helping him stumble up the stairs and into his room.

His mother was lying on the bed, her body still and her face pale. At first, Merlin thought that she was dead, his heart pounding in his chest and his knees growing weak. But then, he saw her take a small, shuddering breath, her eyes fluttering open at the sound of the door swinging shut.

"Mother," Merlin whispered, going quickly up to her and kneeling by the bed, gathering her hand in his.

"M.. Merlin." He could barely hear her as she breathed out his name.

"I.." Merlin began, his throat tight with tears. It was at this moment that Gaius entered the room, throwing open the door hurriedly. He spotted Gwen and Merlin by the bed, making his way over.

"Merlin," Gaius said. "Come on, step away from the bed."

"No..." Merlin said. "No... I have to try and help her! I can't just sit and watch her die!" He was trembling like a leaf now, his watery, blue eyes pleading with the physician. He released his mother's hand, slowly bringing his palm to her heart, closing his eyes and searching deep inside of him for his magic.

There was nothing, only an all consuming darkness, an empty crevice where the light of magic had once been.

"_Ge hailige_," he said desperately, but nothing happened. "_Ge hailige," _He tried again, his voice getting louder until he was almost shouting. "_Ge hailige! Ge hailige! Ge hailige!" _

He was sobbing now, great wracking sobs that shook his entire frame. Gaius tried to step forward and place a hand on Merlin's shoulder, but the warlock brushed him off, continuing to repeat the spell until his voice became weak.

"_Ge hailige... Ge.. Ge.." _

"Merlin... Stop," Hunith whispered. Merlin paused, his breath hitching in his throat as he heard her voice call out to him.

"Merlin..." Hunith repeated, her hands weakly coming up and grasping Merlin's own. "I love you, son. I'm... I'm proud of you..." Hunith's eyes became glassy, her hand slowly slipping away from Merlin's as the breath left her body.

"No... No... Don't leave me... Mother... MOTHER!" Emotions spilled through Merlin all at once as her body lay still. Guilt, regret, sorrow, torment, but most of all anger. The rage consumed him, making his heart pound and red cloud the edges of his vision.

He stood suddenly, screaming out all of his emotions, his body tingling as energy flowed through his limbs. He was barely aware of Gaius coming towards him, of Gwen sobbing quietly in the corner of the room.

Suddenly, the dam that had held his magic back for so long broke, golden energy exploding from his fingertips with the force of a hurricane. He couldn't think, couldn't breathe as fire swirled around him, wind blasting through the small room. He could hear voices screaming at him to stop, but he could no longer control it, his feet rising off the floor.

There was a flash of light, and the room disappeared around him, his vision going dark as he collapsed against the ground. The last thing he was aware of was the breeze brushing his tearstained face and the sound of birds twittering above him.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

_Where am I? _He thought as he blinked awake, his blue eyes searching the starry sky above his head. The moon was casting weak light around him, making it possible for him to assess his surroundings.

He sat, moaning, feeling as if he had just gone through a training session with the knights.

Merlin was alarmed to discover that he was not in his room lying in his bed. Instead, he was sitting on the shore of a lake, the lake where it had all happened. He ran his hands through the coarse sand around him, letting it trickle through his fingers slowly.

Suddenly, he remembered his mother, her fingers slipping from his hands as the light left her eyes. He shuddered as he felt the magic whirl up inside of him once more, making his head spin.

"Merlin," a distant voice called out to him through the fog. He shot to his feet, his heart thudding as he made out figures advancing towards him.

He could just recognize the first person who stepped from the mist, her brown hair blowing back from her face in the weak wind.

"Freya?" he asked hesitantly, his voice cracking in disbelief. She nodded, smiling sadly as another person stepped into view.

"Father..." he breathed out as he saw the smiling face of Balinor. A woman walked up, placing herself next to him.

"M-mother," he whispered. And then, they were all there, all of the people who had died for him, who had helped him at the cost of their lives.

"Will... Lancelot... Gawain..." He was practically sobbing each of their names.

Finally, one last person stepped into the group, his gold hair disheveled and a confused look plastered on his face. Merlin's legs nearly gave out, his body freezing when he recognized the person standing in front of him.

"...Arthur?"

**TBC**


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N: This took me a very very long time to write... I just couldn't get it right and I never seemed to be happy with the character interactions in this chapter.**

**I would like to dedicate this to Harpfire, who helped me out a lot on this chapter. She has a Merlin fic called crimson snow. I highly recommend it to anyone who loves Merlin angst. XD **

**But here you are... The long awaited reunion chapter.**

**IMPORTANT AUTHORS NOTE AT THE END OF THE CHAPTER.**

**Warning: Considerably less angst in this chapter. Lots and lots of bromance.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Merlin...**

* * *

Chapter 7

"...Arthur?" Merlin asked hesitantly. He stepped forwards, reaching a hand up to grasp the king's shoulder, but paused, his fingers hovering over the man's shoulder blade. He couldn't bring himself to touch Arthur... He didn't want to take the risk that his fingers would pass straight through him and prove that it was all a dream, that Arthur really wasn't there.

"Merlin," Arthur said, a small smile growing on his face. "You look terrible."

And then Merlin rushed forwards, wrapping his arms around his friend, huge sobs tearing through his body and making him tremble. Arthur froze for a moment before wrapping his own arms around the warlock, his heart tearing apart as he heard the sounds coming from Merlin. He suddenly vowed that he would do everything in his power to never hear the sound of Merlin sobbing a few moments, Merlin pulled away, holding the king's shoulders at an arms distance and studying his face. "What's going on?" he choked out through the tears. "Are you alive? Am I dead?"

"Still asking stupid questions, I see," Arthur commented, his smile teasing and his blue eyes alight with humor. His face grew serious again and he opened his mouth to continue, but Freya stepped forwards, a sad smile on her face.

"You're not dead, nor are we alive. We are at the bridge between life and death itself," she said. Merlin released Arthur's shoulders and turned to her, confusion plain on his face.

"Why are we here?" he asked, looking around at all of the faces he thought he would never see again.

"You have a choice to make Merlin," Freya said, her hand coming to rest on Merlin's own. "I hate to ask it of you..."

Merlin shook his head for her to go on, concern flashing over his expression.

"When you killed Morgana, you restored the balance to the world. A life for a life... Now, in return, you must choose one of us to go back with you," Freya continued. Merlin's heart froze in his chest, ice water spreading through his veins as his brain tried to process what he had heard.

"What...?" he trailed off, his voice breaking.

"I will let you talk to each of us in turn to help make your decision," Freya murmured, stepping away from him and pulling Arthur back as she went. Before he could ask any more questions, two people stepped forwards from the semicircle.

"Merlin," Hunith said, opening her arms and hugging him tightly. Merlin pressed his face against her shoulder, smelling the soft scent of herbs and straw, something that had always comforted him as a child. Balinor placed a hand on his son's shoulder, giving him a warm smile.

"Mother... Father," Merlin said, pulling away from the hug and looking at each of them in turn. "I..."

"Shhh..." Hunith interrupted. "You don't have to explain. I don't want to come back. I lived a long, happy life and now I am at peace. Bring someone back with you who can make a difference in the world."

"Anyways, we are happy together. You can't bring back one of us and leave the other," Balinor said, putting his arm on Hunith's shoulder.

Merlin's throat closed up and he nodded, unable to speak for a moment. "I'll miss you," he said, giving them each one last embrace before turning to the next person in line.

"Will," Merlin said, stepping forwards and hugging his friend.

"I've missed you, Merlin," Will said.

"Me too..." Merlin said, looking closely at his friends bright face. "I wish I could take all of you back..."

"I think I know who your choice is going to be, Merlin. Listen, I'm not angry at you for not choosing me. I don't really want to go back. Death isn't so bad." A sad grin spread over his face, and he slapped Merlin on the back. "Cheer up, would ya? You always look so sad now."

Merlin nodded, a smile lighting up his face. "That's better," Will commented. "See you later..."

"See you," Merlin said, knowing that he would not see his friend for a long time. He turned to the next person. "Lance," he said, grinning as he saw knight.

"Merlin!" Lancelot said. "It's good to see you." Merlin and the knight embraced for a moment. before the warlock gathered the courage to speak the question that was plaguing his mind.

"Does Arthur know that it wasn't you who seduced Gwen? Does he know about the enchantment?" Merlin asked, and Lance nodded.

"Freya explained it all to him earlier," the knight commented. Merlin grinned, feeling as if a huge weight was lifted off his shoulders.

"Good," he muttered. "That's good."

"You take care of yourself, Merlin," Lance said, giving the warlock one last pat on the shoulder and gesturing towards the next person in the semicircle.

"Hey, mate. Do you have any beer?" Gwaine asked him suddenly, making Merlin turn and stare at the knight, a grin breaking out across his face.

"I missed you too," he said.

"You and Arthur have fun now, you hear. Don't get too drunk without me," Gwaine said.

Merlin nodded and then turned to the last two people in the semicircle. "Hi," Merlin said, his voice thick with tears. "Freya..." He couldn't continue, couldn't tell her what he was going to do. "I..."

"Merlin." Freya stepped forwards, wrapping her arms around Merlin's body and pulling him closer, leaning her forehead against his and closing her eyes. "You don't have to tell me who you chose. We all knew who it was going to be."

Merlin reached up his hand and brushed a lock of dark hair out of her face, lifting her chin with his fingers. Their lips brushed, making Merlin's heart pound in his chest. He put his hands on Freya's waist, pulling her closer and deepening the kiss.

It was several moments before they pulled apart, Merlin's hands not leaving her body. "Will I ever see you again?" he asked after a moment of silence.

"I do not know," Freya responded, her voice quavering slightly. "It is time for you to leave this place..."

"Ready to go, Arthur?" Merlin asked, watching in awe as the air was split in front of him, a golden rift of light appearing.

Arthur nodded, and, with one last glance at everyone around them, they both stepped into the light. Warmth spread over Merlin's skin and he blinked a few times, momentarily blinded. Once his eyes adjusted, he saw the lake in front of him.

His friends and family were gone, leaving him staring at where they had once been. He didn't cry. He could only feel happiness for seeing them all one last time, glad that he knew they were not alone and afraid in death.

That was when he remembered. _Arthur... _He couldn't see Arthur and his heart began to flutter in panic. He looked around frantically for a moment, before seeing the king, who was standing in the lake, water coming up to his knees.

"Arthur," he gasped in relief. "How do you feel? Are you okay? Are you hurt?"

"Merlin..." Arthur interrupted, holding his hands up. "I am fine. I should really be asking you that question... You look like you're about to fall over."

Merlin was suddenly aware of how tired and weak he was, his knees feeling rickety and his no trembling. "I... I think I need to sit down," he said, and before he could even move, his body crashed to the ground, his head swimming.

His vision clouded with black, and he blinked a few times. Arthur was standing over him, gripping his shoulders.

"Are you okay?" he asked.

"Fine..." Merlin muttered, pushing himself upright.

"Don't do that, Merlin! I'm not an idiot," Arthur said, staring at his friend. "You just collapsed... What's wrong?"

Merlin took a long time to respond to this, his mind scrambling and his thoughts blending together. "I... haven't been well," he said hesitantly. Somehow, he didn't have to tell Arthur why.

"Well then. Let's get you back to Camelot," Arthur said. "Where is my sword?" He looked around himself for a moment

Merlin swallowed. "Arthur..." he said. The king didn't respond, still searching for his weapon.

"Arthur..." Merlin repeated.

"Yes?" Arthur said, looking back at his friend.

"Your sword... it's in the lake," Merlin muttered.

"You.. threw my sword... into the lake?" Arthur asked incredulously.

"Yeah..." Merlin replied. "But I can get it back... I promise!" He said. "Freya can bring it up for me..."

"Ohhh, Freya. Who is she and why haven't I heard of her before?" Arthur asked.

Merlin blushed, looking down. "You've... met..."

"We have?" Arthur shook his head. "I think I would remember if I had met your girlfriend, Merlin," Arthur said. "She was strikingly beautiful... Is she the one you missed so many days of work to go see?"

Merlin glared at the king, and before he could stop himself, he blurted, "For your information, when I was 'skipping work', I was actually saving your sorry behind. I never eloped or went to the tavern... And you never asked me about my personal life except to make fun of me for it, so of course I never spoke of her. Anyways, she died and that's all you need to know."

The smile dropped off Arthur's face as he studied his friend, seeing the genuine hurt on the warlock's face. "We can talk about this later..." he said. "Help me get my sword and then we can leave."

Merlin took a shuddering breath to calm himself before speaking. "Freya!" he called weakly, and to Arthur's surprise, a hand shot out of the water, a sword gripped in its fingers. The hand threw the sword and it splashed into the shallow part of the lake, glinting in the light. Arthur bent forwards, picking up Excalibur and wiping the water off the blade.

"Thank you," he called to the water, putting Excalibur in the empty scabbard at his waist. He glanced at the warlock, who was still lying on the ground awkwardly. "Ok, time to go, Merlin. Since you're too lazy to get up and walk, I guess I will just have to help you." He stepped forwards, picking the warlock up off the ground.

"Arthur.. What? Put me down!" Merlin shouted, squirming. His foot connected with something soft and he heard Arthur let out a small weeze.

"Merlin! I could have you hanged for that!" Arthur managed to say through clenched teeth, nearly dropping the warlock as he curled in on himself.

"Stop being such a girl, Arthur," Merlin said, smiling as the king rolled his eyes, standing up straight and beginning to walk again. The sun set as they made their way closer to Camelot, closer to home.

**TBC**

* * *

**IMPORTANT AUTHORS NOTE HERE!**

**Ok, so the next chapter is the last chapter I have planned out. I would love to continue on with this story, but I need to know what you guys would like for me to do. Would you like me to add a few one shots on Camelot getting used to magic and then end it? Would you like me to add a few one shots and then make a huge plot build up like the series (any ideas on a plot build up that you would like)? Would you like me to end it next chapter? Please leave me a review and leave some input. I would love to hear what you want to read. XDDDD**

**Thank you all so much for your continued support.**

**-Dawn**


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N: You guys rock! Thank you for all of the feedback regarding whether I should continue or not. I will definitely continue! I have the rest of the story planned out. XD**

**Special thanks to whitedawn1 and thespiritmaiden for your kind words. You rock! **

**So these next few chapters will be transition chapters, so if it seems a little bit boring, I apologize. XD**

**If any of you are Potterheads, I just created an RP forum. There is a link on my profile page. The forum is called 'Going back to Hogwarts!' I would love it if you joined! **

**Warning: None**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Merlin.**

* * *

Chapter 8

Gwen sat alone in the throne room, her brown eyes dull with sadness and her hands clasped in her lap. She was unaware of the door swinging open, her thoughts far away from Camelot.

"My lady?" A tentative voice brought her back to the present, her eyes snapping to the man standing before her.

"Gaius!" she said. "Is there any news of Merlin?"

The old man shook his head, his face haggard and his eyes showing his deep weariness. "No, my lady. I fear that he may not return..." His voice sounded sad and alone, making Gwen's heart ache and tears gather in her eyes.

"Do you have any idea where he has gone?" she asked.

"No..." Gaius shook his head sadly. "His mother meant everything to him. Seeing her pass so soon after Arthur made him lose control of his magic. He could have gone anywhere..."

Silence filled the large room, both the queen and the physician thinking about the troubling days to come.

Suddenly, there was a loud pounding on the double doors, a guard bursting in. His face was pale, his movements frantic as he stumbled up to the throne.

"My lady," he dropped to his knees, his limbs trembling. The guard's head was bowed, eyes staring at the floor, unable to look at his queen.

"What is it?" Gwen asked, her heart hammering. She wasn't ready for any problems! She needed more time. She kept the panic she felt out of her voice, trying to sound prepared for what was to come.

"My lady, Merlin was spotted entering Camelot... He had another person with him... My lady... King Arthur has returned."

Gwen thought she had heard him wrong for a moment, but when she saw the look on Gaius' face, she knew she had heard right.

She didn't speak, standing from her throne, the sound of the heavy wood scraping against cobble stone echoing in the large room.

"Where is he?" she asked, her voice sounding hesitant.

"They should arrive in the courtyard any minute now, my lady," the guard replied, startled when Gwen ran from the room, gathering her blue dress around her knees so she could move faster.

She blasted out of the doors of the castle and into the brightly lit courtyard. She stood still, eyes searching the nearly empty courtyard, until she spotted two figures approaching from a distance.

She could just make out a dirty red cape billowing in the wind, chain male glinting in the sunlight. She didn't run to him. She stood still, watching him approach from a distance. Her heart dropped when she saw the black haired figure he held in his arms.

"Gwen," Arthur said when he reached her. Gaius rushed forwards, taking the frail, unconscious form of his ward from the king's arms, checking his pulse.

Gwen stepped forwards, reaching her hand up and striking Arthur firmly across the face.

"Owwww..." Arthur said, confused. "Why did you...?"

Gwen rushed at him then, throwing her arms around his waist and burying her face in his shoulder. "Don't _ever_ do that to me again. _Ever..." _She muttered.

Arthur stroked her back, bringing his hands up to her face and pulling her in for a kiss. They would have stayed like that forever, but Gaius' voice interrupted them, making them jump apart.

"What happened?" Gaius asked. "How...?"

Arthur began to explain everything, how Merlin had appeared at the bridge between life and death, how Merlin had to chose who to bring back with him, how Merlin's choice had been him, Arthur.

Gwen placed a hand on Arthur's arm, her throat tightening with unshed tears. "I'm glad you both made it back safe."

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

Merlin awoke quickly, sitting up and staring wildly around the room. He was alone in his bedroom, the sheets twisted around his ankles.

"Arthur?" he called, his heart thuddding and his vision blurring a little as he panicked. Surely it hadn't all been a dream...

His door swung open, and to Merlin's huge relief, Arthur stepped inside. "Merlin!" he said. "I'm glad you're up!"

"Prat," Merlin snapped back trying to cover up his panic. "You just want me to do your chores for you. What is it today? The stables or your room?"

"No, Merlin," Arthur said. "I don't want you to do your chores."

Merlin's jaw dropped in mock horror. "Are you feeling all right, sire?"

Arthur rolled his eyes, sitting down on the chair by the bed. "Gwen told me you refused her offer of becoming Court Sorcerer."

Merlin nodded, looking quickly down at his covered feet. Arthur studied the man for a moment before continuing. "Well... I wanted to... I came to... I was wondering if you would change your mind."

Merlin looked up hopefully, his blue eyes sparkling, a grin lighting up his face. He quickly covered up his joy, a sly expression flashing over his face. "Will I get any days off?"

Arthur rolled his eyes. "Is that all you can think about? Days off?"

"At least Sunday!"

"Fine," Arthur responded. "Sundays off..." He stood up, leaving the room for a second before returning with a tray balanced in his hands. He passed the tray to Merlin.

"Woah, whats this!" Merlin said. "Arthur Pendragon, the king of Camelot, serving me?" Merlin said, shock written on his face.

Arthur rolled his eyes. "Just eat your stew."

"Arthur?"

"Yes?"

"If I become court sorcerer, can I eat food out of the palace kitchens?"

"...Yes."

"Can I have new chambers?"

"...Yes."

"Can I have my own horse?"

"...Fine! Now stop asking me for things!"

"Can I... Ow! Okay, Okay, I'll stop!"

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

The king stood before his people for the first time since his return. He scanned the crowd in front of him, eyes going from face to face, resting on each one of his knights, his friends.

He spotted Merlin standing in the back, flashing the raven haired figure a small grin. He took a breath before speaking, collecting his thoughts.

"People of Camelot. It is with great happiness that I stand before you today. As most of you know, I was declared dead... I was dead!" He paused to let his words sink in. "The only reason I am standing here speaking to you is magic. Magic saved me and magic saved Camelot. It is time that we rewrite our laws, to rethink our morals, to let magic back into Camelot! Sorcerers will no longer be persecuted. Magic will no longer be outlawed!"

The room erupted in noise as people turned to each other, shock showing on each of their faces. Arthur stood patiently, waiting for the noise to die down. Once it became silent again, he continued.

"And we have one person to thank for this, one person to thank for saving Camelot, for bringing me back. Merlin!"

The servant stepped forwards, his hands clasped behind his back. His palms were sweaty and his stomach was doing little flips. He stopped right before he reached the throne, kneeling respectfully and bowing his head to the floor.

"Rise," Arthur said, and Merlin obeyed, nearly tripping over his feet as he stood.

"Do you, Merlin, promise to use your magic only for the good of Camelot?" Arthur asked.

"I do," Merlin said, his voice echoing.

"Then, by the power vested in me, I declare you Merlin Emrys, Court Sorcerer of Camelot." Arthur touched Excalibur lightly on either side of Merlin's shoulders.

The room erupted with cheers.

**TBC**


	9. Chapter 9

**A/N: Here is another chapter!**

**Sorry for the wait... My updates will be slower now because my schedule is starting to crowd up. **

**This chapter is yet another transition chapter, but don't worry. Things will pick up soon. XD **

**Note: Next chapter is going to be Merlin adjusting to his new roll as court sorcerer. If you would like to see anything in the next chapter, like something he has to do or something... just leave a review. I would love to hear from all of you! **

**Warning: None**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Merlin.**

* * *

Chapter 9

Merlin was sitting in his bed, a spell book propped on his lap, the covers drawn up to keep his legs warm. He glanced up as the door to his room swung open and Arthur barged in.

"Prat..." Merlin said. "I'm part of your court now. Treat me with respect."

Arthur rolled his eyes. "I am the king, Merlin. I can do whatever I want."

"I could turn you into a toad right now!" Merlin retorted, waving the spell book in front of Arthur's face.

"I think the power is getting to his head sire," a voice called from behind the king. Arthur turned to see Gaius stepping forwards.

"No doubt about that," Arthur growled, glaring at his former servant vehemently. Gaius stepped away again, going to work at the table in the other room.

"Come on," Arthur said. "We are going for a walk..."

"Do I have to?" Merlin asked. His question was answered for him as Arthur pulled him roughly to his feet, making him drop the book on his bed. He stumbled after the king, out into the castle hallway.

"Where are we going?" Merlin asked.

"To your new chambers," Arthur said and Merlin stopped in his tracks.

"What?" he said.

"Have you gone deaf? I said, we are going to your new chambers," Arthur said, dragging Merlin down the hall to a door not far from Arthur's own chambers.

He threw it open and pushed Merlin inside, the court sorcerer stumbling into the room. He looked around the room, taking everything in.

It was just like every other royal chamber in the castle; nothing too special, just a four poster bed, a wardrobe, and a desk in the corner. But it was more than Merlin ever had in his life.

"This is a joke," Merlin said, turning to Arthur.

"Nope," Arthur said. "It's all yours."

"What's the catch?" Merlin asked, walking over and sitting down on the cushiony bed.

"There is no catch... I'm just trying to do something for a friend," Arthur said.

Merlin glanced over at Arthur, who had sat down on the bed beside him. "We need to talk," Arthur said. Merlin didn't answer him, choosing to look down at his boots instead.

"I want you to tell me everything. I want you to tell me about Freya, about all of the times you saved my life, about everyone who died along the way..."

Merlin was swallowed, his hands picking at the loose thread on his jacket sleeve. "Where do you want me to start?" he asked.

"From the very beginning... From the time you stepped foot in Camelot."

"Well... It all began when I..."

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

"That little ball of light was you?"

"Yep, according to Gaius it was."

"But you were injured!"

"I'm the most powerful sorcerer in the world, Arthur. I can do whatever I want."

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

"...The first time I laid my eyes on her, I was in love. She was so beautiful and she reminded me of myself, having to hide who she was from everyone... always afraid of what was to come..."

"What happened to her?" Arthur asked. "How did she die?"

"You..." Merlin swallowed thickly. "You killed her..."

Arthur's jaw fell open. "W...What?"

"It was an accident... You didn't know who she was... all you saw was a beast... She was a Bastet... kind of like a panther with wings..." Tears had gathered behind Merlin's closed eyelids as he spoke.

"Merlin..." Arthur said. "I am sorry. I am so sorry..."

"It's not your fault."

"But it is, Merlin... I killed the love of your life. You have every right to hate me, to blame me for what happened..."

"You were doing what you thought was right... trying to save Camelot..."

"You..." Arthur shook his head, a sad smile on his face. "You are the most compassionate person I have ever met... I really am sorry for what happened. I know that I can never make it up to you, but I hope someday that I might make it better..."

Merlin shot a small smile at Arthur. "You already have..."

There was a brief pause as Merlin wiped the tears that had fallen from his eyes. "Anyways, where was I? Oh, yes... Well, after I helped Freya from the cage..."

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

"Please don't be mad at this next part... I... I let the dragon out..."

"YOU WHAT?" Arthur nearly fell off the edge of the bed.

"I know, it was stupid of me... I didn't know that he would attack Camelot... I..." Merlin stammered.

Arthur took a breath, calming his anger as he heard his friends nervousness. "Merlin, slow down... It's okay," Arthur said.

Merlin looked up into Arthur's eyes, a spark of hope flaring in him. "You aren't mad?"

"I.. I don't know. I understand why you did it... and I know you felt guilty about it..."

"It gets a bit better though... I manage to fix everything," Merlin responds. "Just listen."

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

"...But right before we left, Gaius told me that he was my father."

"Wait what?" Arthur asked.

"Balinor... he was my father," Merlin said.

"That isn't possible..."

"Yep it is... And it gets worse than that..." Merlin said. "He told me.. before he died that I was the last Dragonlord... that I had inherited his ability..."

Merlin was staring down at his boots, unable to look at his king, his heart thudding in his chest.

"You... you were the one that killed the dragon..." Arthur said.

"I didn't actually kill him..." Merlin muttered.

"What?" Arthur exclaimed.

"I didn't kill him. I ordered him to fly away and never return to Camelot. It is my duty as a dragon lord to keep the dragons alive, not to kill them. And I was actually lucky I kept him alive. He turned out to be a very valuable ally," Merlin said.

"You let me believe I killed it... You didn't want any glory..."

"None of this was for the glory, Arthur. How many times do I have to tell you that?"

"You... You had to watch your father die... in your arms... That's why you looked so sad," Arthur said.

"Yes," Merlin responded. "It was hard... I almost packed up and left Camelot, but I had to stay..."

"Why?"

"Who would protect your royal arse if I left?"

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

"You were actually dying?"

"Yes, I tried to tell you..."

"I am sorry..."

"You can stop apologizing... I was acting kind of suspiciously... Anyways, back to it. So Kilgharrah healed me and flew me back to Camelot so I could..."

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

"You were wearing a dress?"

"I had to! It was Gaius' fault for telling you the sorcerer he had found was a girl!"

"YOU WERE WEARING A DRESS?"

"Shut up."

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

"...and then I had to come tell you that I couldn't come with you to the battle... I had to make up an excuse to go to the crystal cave to get my magic back and I felt terrible about it... But I managed to get my magic back and I turned myself old and came and saved you... You know the res after that, " Merlin said.

"I was a complete idiot and told you that you weren't brave..." Arthur said. "I... I'm so sorry... I was afraid. You had always been by my side and then, at the time when I needed you the most, you were leaving me. I didn't know how to feel or what to think..." He paused for a moment.

"You really are the bravest man I have ever met, Merlin," Arthur said.

"Thank you..." Merlin said after a moment. A wave of nostalgia washed over Merlin as they both sat there silently. Things were changing. Destiny was flowering.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

After Arthur left his room, Merlin walked back to Gaius' chambers alone, entering the familiar room and shutting the door softly behind him. Gaius was sitting at the table, hunched over a book, his magnifying glass in his hand.

"Merlin," Gaius said, glancing up when he heard the door latch. Merlin smiled at the older man, walking up to him and sitting at the table. They were both silent.

"Arthur gave me my own room," Merlin said.

"That's wonderful!" Gaius said, a smile breaking out over his face. Merlin nodded.

"What's wrong?" Gaius asked, sensing the warlock's mood.

"I'm going to miss you..." Merlin said.

"Merlin, you are just moving down the hallway. You can still come and visit. In fact, I expect you to," Gaius said, laughing. But he embraced his ward tightly, his heart clenching.

"Let me help you pack your things," Gaius said and they both headed up the steps into Merlin's old room.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

Merlin was just settling into his new chambers when there was a knock at his door. "Come in," he said, and the door swung open to reveal Gwen, her hair tied back from her face and her red dress swishing at her feet.

"Arthur wanted to let you know that there will be a feast honoring your new title in a few hours. He wants you to get ready," Gwen said. "Are these your new chambers? They're lovely!"

Gwen automatically bustled to the curtains, straightening them with nimble fingers.

"A feast? I must really be on Arthur's good side right now... that or he just wants an excuse to eat more," Merlin said, grinning.

"He does respect you," Gwen said, studying her friend closely. "You matter dearly to him. He just doesn't know how to show it half of the time."

Merlin nodded, putting another shirt inside the tall wardrobe.

"Well, I have to go get ready for the feast. Arthur expects you to be on time. He was very adamant about it," Gwen said, smiling and walking to the door.

"Bye, Gwen. I will see you there," Merlin said. When she shut the door, he opened back up his wardrobe, selecting his cleanest shirt and his best neckerchief and putting them on.

He only had a few more minutes to finish unpacking before he had to dash through the hall. He had a feast to attend!

**TBC**


	10. Chapter 10

**A/N: Hello all... Are you still with me? I didn't get any reviews for last chapter, which made me a little bit sad, because I adore hearing from all of you. That's okay though, I will continue to write this story. XD **

**Sorry that this update took a while... busy as usual! XD I also had some big problems come up that I needed to solve. Hopefully everything works out and I will be a little less stressed. **

**This chapter is dedicated to Hatakefire, who may never read this story, but who is still the best friend I could ever ask for. **

**Warning: None**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Merlin. **

Chapter 10

Merlin threw open the doors to the great hall, stepping into the room with excitement. He was a few minutes late, the room already filled with people. The chattering stopped as he made his way to his seat to the right Arthur, who was at the head of the table.

"Merlin!" Arthur said. "Late again, I see?"

Merlin grinned, sitting down. "Sorry, I was getting ready."

"See, he is a girl," Arthur commented and Leon snorted.

Merlin rolled his eyes, but decided to let the comment drop due to the fact that servants had just entered the room with platters lined with food. Merlin dished himself several helpings of everything and began to eat, happy that for once, he was not the one serving everyone else, or being forced to watch Arthur stuff his face as he watched. It was a nice feeling, finally being equal to his friends, the people around him,

He should have known the peace wouldn't last.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

Something wasn't right.

Merlin could feel his magic tingling underneath his skin, making his skin prickle. The warlock put down his fork, eyes scanning the crowd, sweeping over the knights, the servants, Arthur and Gwen.

Nothing looked out of place. Leon and Percival were arguing about women. Arthur and Gwen were talking quietly to each other. But the feeling grew with each passing second, and finally, Merlin couldn't take it anymore.

He stood, his chair scraping against the stone floor. Arthur looked over at Merlin in confusion. "Where are you going? We haven't even had dessert yet..."

Merlin shook his head, grabbing Arthur's arm and pulling the king to his feet. "We have to get you out of here," Merlin said.

"Wha...?" Arthur began, but was cut off as Merlin dragged him away from the crowd.

"Merlin!" Arthur exclaimed. "Please stop... I don't..."

"Just come with me Arthur... please?" Merlin asked, tugging on the King's sleeve. Arthur nodded after a moment of hesitation, allowing the court sorcerer to pull him down the hallway and into the king's chambers.

"Stay here, Arthur. Lock the door and don't come out until I come and get you," Merlin said, shoving the king inside the room and closing the door.

He didn't stay to listen to Arthur's protests, turning back and running the way he came, into the great hall, stopping at the doorway and surveying the room.

He couldn't explain how he knew, but something... someone... wasn't supposed to be there. After a few minutes of searching, he shook his head, stepping back out into the hallway and going to Arthur's room.

No one noticed the hooded figure slip out of the great hall.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

"I said I was sorry!"

"I don't care, Merlin! You can't send me to my room every time you have a funny feeling!" Arthur replied, his voice sharp and angry.

"You don't understand, Arthur... I couldn't take the chance that you would get hurt... that you would die... again," Merlin said, the last word a whisper.

Arthur froze for a moment, instantly feeling guilty as he heard the warlock. He didn't know how to respond to what Merlin had just said, his heart clenching as he saw the tears gathering in Merlin's big blue eyes.

"Oh," he said. "I'm sorry, Merlin... I didn't know..."

Merlin looked down for a moment, brushing his hand hurriedly over his wet eyes. Arthur pretended not to notice, his fingers picking at the loose thread at the end of his sleeve as he waited for his friend to collect himself.

Merlin looked back up and Arthur grinned. "Come on, Merlin. Lets go..."

"Prat," Merlin muttered.

Arthur looked back at the court sorcerer, the smile spreading over his face. "Are you sure you don't want a servant, Merlin? Now that you are part of the court, you are entitled to one, and George is open and ready to serve you... I could go ask him right..."

"NO!"

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

"...the treaty now only needs to be signed by two more representatives in order for the final..."

Merlin was only half listening to Leon, trying not to fall asleep at the Round Table, his head spinning slightly. His brain was sluggish, his thoughts foggy and muddled.

"...Merlin?" Arthur said.

"...Wha?" Merlin sat up quickly, looking at Arthur.

"I was just asking what you thought," the king replied. "Are you okay, Merlin? You look pale..."

Merlin was about to tell the king that he was fine, just adjusting. The words never escaped his mouth.

He sensed it a moment before it happened, the sound of a bow string twanging and a bold flying across the room. Merlin raised his hands to cast a spell, but it was too late, his magic to sluggish to act in time.

The bolt embedded itself into Arthur's chest and the king dropped to the floor.

**TBC**


	11. Chapter 11

**A/N: SURPRISE! I'm updating! I got such nice reviews from last chapter that I felt I owed this to you early. ****I would have replied to all of your reviews, but I didn't really have time because I decided to write the chapter early. Just know that you guys ROCK! **

**Some of you are very perceptive... I hinted at a plot point last chapter that someone picked up on. **

**And don't worry about Arthur. Why would I have brought him back if I was just going to kill him off? He will be fine. XD**

**Anyways, please leave a review for this chapter. I would really appreciate the constructive criticism. I have been working on improving my writing in any way I can and I would love your support and advice! XD **

**Warning: Violence... description of a wound... **

**Disclaimer: I don't own Merlin.**

* * *

Chapter 11

Merlin sensed it a moment before it happened, the sound of a bow string twanging and a bold flying across the room. Merlin raised his hands to cast a spell, but it was too late, his magic to sluggish to act in time.

The bolt embedded itself into Arthur's chest and the king dropped to the floor.

Merlin rushed towards Arthur, throwing himself down next to the king. He could hear the commotion around him, shouts ringing through the air as a fight broke out behind him. He didn't pay attention to that, trying to focus on his injured friend. Without hesitation, he pulled the arrow out of Arthur's chest, the king unresponsive and silent. Merlin, feeling a flash of dread tossed the arrow aside, pressing his hands firmly to the bleeding wound, crimson coating his hands.

He closed his eyes, feeling his magic wavering under his skin. He tried to focus on bringing the wound together, his breath coming in small gasps as sweat dripped down his brow. Something was wrong with him... Why was this so hard?

He took a deep breath in through his nose, trying to force the magic through his fingertips. There was a flicker of gold, but it was gone in an instant. He tired one last time, focusing every last bit of energy, his arms trembling as magic bled out of his hands and over Arthur's wound.

The gaping red hole began to close, the blood flow slowing to a stop. Merlin slumped forwards, leaning against the floor as he tried to catch his breath. He reached forwards and pressed his blood coated hand to the side of Arthur's neck, feeling a weak, but steady pulse under his fingers.

"He's alright," Merlin muttered. "He's alright..."

Merlin stayed still, watching the commotion around him as if through a clouded lens. He was aware of a hand on his shoulder pulling him aside and sitting him down in a chair. A wave of dizziness forced him to clench his eyes shut.

"...Merlin?" He was aware of the voice after a few seconds. He looked up to see Gaius crouching over him. "Are you alright?"

"I'm fine," he said. "You need to help Arthur. He lost a lot of blood." Merlin stood quickly, the blood rushing to his head and causing his vision to blur, darkening around the edges as if he were looking through a tunnel. He swayed for a moment, feeling as if the world were tilting.

"You need to sit down," Gaius said, trying to force the warlock to sit down on one of the chairs.

"No. I need to find who did this," Merlin said, brushing off the old man's hands and striding forwards, his eyes making out Leon in the swarm of knights.

"Did you catch him?" Merlin asked.

Leon nodded in affirmation. "We put him in the dungeon under guard."

Merlin didn't respond, turning to go back to where the king lay, his red cloak fanned around him, covered in darker crimson stains of blood. Merlin shuddered as he saw Arthur's still body, taking a breath to calm his racing heart. This was too similar to the night at Camlann, when Arthur had been lying in his arms, the breath slowly leaving his lungs, the color draining from his skin as his lifeblood spilled onto the ground.

"Will he be...?" Merlin couldn't finish his question, his throat closing up in unbridled fear.

"He will be fine," Gaius responded, finishing wrapping a bandage around the wound.

Merlin let out a breath, the fire leaving his blood cold and his knees weak. He sat down in a chair, letting out a breath and closing his eyes for a moment, one question flittering through his mind like a frightened bird.

What was going on?

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

"Your magic didn't work?"

Merlin was sitting across from Gaius, his hands folded in his lap and his head turned towards the floor. Arthur was still unconscious, lying in a patients bed in the corner of the physicians large chamber.

"It worked, but it was.. I don't know how to describe it," Merlin said. "I.. It didn't flow as easily..."

Gaius nodded in understanding, patting the boy on the knee. "I'm sure it's fine. You body and your mind are still healing. Maybe your magic needs some time to heal too. Just give it time."

Merlin nodded, unable to banish the nagging voice in the back of his mind, the voice telling him that it was not okay, that his magic was not fine.

"Merl'n?"

Merlin jumped from his seat, rushing to where Arthur was stirring, his eyelids fluttering open.

"Arthur..." Merlin said. "How do you feel?"

"Tired..." Arthur responded, his eyes closing again.

"Wait! Wait!" Merlin ordered. "Gaius needs to check to make sure you're okay..."

"What happened?" Arthur said, his voice soft.

"You got shot by an assassin..." Merlin said. "But I healed you with magic."

"You did a terrible job," Arthur moaned. "I feel as if I was hit by a cart..."

Merlin laughed, stepping aside to let Gaius check Arthurs wound. There were several moments of silence as Gaius set to work. Merlin sat back down in his chair, shuffling his feet against the floor as he waited.

"Did you catch the assassin?" Arthur asked as Gaius handed him a small vial of medicine, ordering him to drink.

"Yes," Merlin said. "Leon wanted to wait to question him until you were awake."

"Good," Arthur said. "When will I be well enough to leave?"

"At this rate, probably tomorrow afternoon," Gaius said. "But that is only if you rest, sire! Complete bed rest for the day."

"Gaius... I have things I have to do," Arthur said.

The physician glared at the king. "I'm sure the kingdom can live without you for one day, Arthur... Besides Merlin will keep you company. I have some things I need to get in town."

And with that, Gaius left the room.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

The next afternoon, Arthur was sitting on his throne, staring intently down at the figure before him. Merlin stood to the right of the king, eyes also fixed on the man.

He reminded Merlin of Daegol, his brown hair in disarray, his eyes flickering back and forth, unable to meet the kings face. Merlin felt a pang in his chest as he remembered Daegol, shaking off the feeling as Arthur began speaking.

"Why did you do it?" Arthur asked. "Was it for money? A chance at glory? I could have helped you if you had asked."

The man shook his head. "You are not Arthur Pendragon. You would be of no help to me," the man snarled. Merlin flinched at the harshness in the man's voice.

"I am Arthur," the king said in confusion. "What makes you think I am not?"

The man looked up now, his eyes resting on Arthur's own, piercing him like a knife, sending cold shivers up his spine.

"Arthur Pendragon is dead. You are a tool, a pawn in the sorcerer's quest for power," the man spat. "We do not trust you! We do not trust magic! Camelot is corrupt, and for that it will fall!"

**TBC**


End file.
